I have a pretty nice pre-dinner routine now. I usually get back from uni between 5 and 6, and if I don't have to cook, I make myself a nice cup of tea, which I drink sitting in the dark while listening the radio. Radio 4 has a comedy slot at 6:30pm which is usually good. I then do my shoulder exercises and yoga before dinner. Often, I laze about in bed before yoga and exercises so I end up missing my target of eating dinner at 7:30 pm. but, since it is the end of the day, I don't give myself too much grief about it. it is the post-dinner routine that I want to nail. The intention is to blog and then watch a TV series but I usually end up on Twitter, where I find something that incenses. If I don't hae a blog topic ready, I end up spending ages on Twitter, which cuts into my TV time. First-world-singleton-with-no-kids problems! But, I make no apologies for being so self-absorbed. This has been a difficult year for everyone, and I have coped well. I would pick self-absorption over loneliness and moroseness any day. Maybe I will become so self-absorbed that I might have trouble adjusting to life with a partner in the future. Maybe 10 months ago I would actually spent some time at least thinking about this concern if not worrying about. Now, it seems so trivial.
P.S. A no-Twitter-after-dinner rule would be great for me, so I have just set my Twitter timer to five minutes.
Liberal political commentators publicly gave up on Modi a few years ago. Liberal economists had been more charitable towards him, at least in private. Not any more though. A prominent Hong Kong-based commentator wrote a column in Bloomberg titled 'Why I am losing hope in India'. He was praised by many for his honesty, while a few castigated him for overlooking mass murder. The most honest line in the piece was at the end--'We wanted to trade some of our democratic chaos for a little bit more growth. We ended up with less of both'. Support for dictatorship among the Indian middle classes runs strong. Growing up, I often heard how the solution to India's problems was dictatorship. Of course, the people supporting dictators are the ones whose freedoms and rights would not be threatened under a dictatorship, Or so they think. At least not in the beginning. But it is just a matter of time before the right-wing lunacy in India starts to affect the quality of life of middle-class Indians in urban India. Like when they start banning movies and T shows for "insulting Indian culture". When they realise this regime won't be content on just beating up Muslims and Dalits or strike-happy trade unions. Middle-class contempt for all the groups runs deep. Not just indifference but outright hostility. I don't want to sound like a broken record, but I wonder if the caste system is the reason why "othering" comes so easily to Indians.
If BLM can be commodified and consumed, surely nepotism can be too? Another Indian reality show called the Fabulous Lives of Bollywood Wives dropped on Neflix yesterday, featuring four wives of B-list Bollywood celebrities. Two of the husbands come from Bollywood families. Who would have thought the nepots of Bollywood are as vapid, charmless and annoying as we imagined? I would like to think I watched the show to critique it from a ethnographic perspective, but I was just bored. It is true, though, that I do pay attention to the sociological aspects. How do they behave with their servants (impeccably on camera), how do the servants dress, what cars do the stars drive, etc. But, there is not much you can glean from a show which has clearly been curated. You can't be sure if your insight is actually an insight or you have just picked up a curated detail of the show, such as how they are unfailingly polite to their servants on camera. Someone on Twitter picked up another interesting detail aboutthe gender dynamics that I had missed. All the women and daughters were haughty and entitled, while the men came across as unambitious wastrels who were coasting through life on dint of their blood ties. And, just as pointing out racism is considered worse than being racist, there were a number of self-pitying rants against people pointing out nepotism. What remains a mystery is how do B-list stars maintain such lavish lifestyles? Also, one can understand A-listers kids getting breaks, but how do B-listers kids manage it? Without talent, without looks, without charisma.
I was going to title this blog post 'Cold Snap' but discovered that too many old posts have the same title, so I decided to mix it up. Last night, the temperature dropped to IC, and tonight is forecast to be 0C. I knew I would have to be careful with my cold shower this morning, so I made sure I was bone dry afterwards and well wrapped up on my bike ride to uni. I have written before about how my physical ability is noticeably affected below 5C and, sure enough, the ride up the slope was a slog. But, it was a bright sunny day, and there are few things more pleasant than walking about in the winter sunshine, so I went for a long-midday walk with a friend. I had had a reasonably productive morning, so after lunch, and without an ounce of guilt I decided to walk home from uni while it was still bright. Most days, it is pitch dark when I return home, so I decided to mix things up a bit. And, this evening, I did that sublime cozy yoga routine which I only do during winters. I am not sure whether I will go for a run this Sunday because apart from the cold, my knees are giving me a little trouble. But, I have decided not to think about it too much. I am someone who has to force himself to rest when I am feeling inclement, but I don't like forcing myself to do anything at the moment. I will just go with how I feel on the day and in the moment.
Today, I watched a video talk by the guy from Cambridge whose department I am applying too. I am glad I did because I came away inspired. He is Korean, but is nothing like the stereotype of the meek, soft-spoken. he pulled no punches when it came to railing against mainstream economists and even dropped the F-bomb. Passionate, blunt and with zero fucks to give. The kind of person I want to work with and the kind of academic I want to be. I have lived long enough to know how the public persona often doesn't match the person. And, even if it does in this case, he might be unimpressed by my application. But, nevertheless, I am inspired. This job will always be a long shot, but I am inspired to give it my best shot, not mince words or mind my P's and Qs in my motivation letter. It is moments like this that remind me why I am doing what I am doing, which applies to the job hunt as well as my PhD. I am passionate about economics, writing and teaching. Wherever life takes me, whatever I end up doing, I will find a way to pursue at least one of these passions.
The most popular show on Netflix UK at the moment is the Crown, which is based on the Royal Family. Today, I saw a tweet which made me chuckle. It said if you enjoyed watching The Crown, you are a (closet) Tory. As a post-colonial subject, I understand the appeal of slick productions which lionize Empire even if they are critical of individual imperialists. The legacies of Empire are everywhere in India, especially in its institutions. Growing up, one is taught to hate the British, but not the institutions they left behind, which turns the hatred into a not-so0grudging admiration. Which is why a post-colonial subject is instinctively drawn towards displays of British paegantry--dramatized, like the Crown or Downton Abbey, or real, like Royal weddings. I, myself, enjoyed Downton Abbey when I watched it 8-9 years ago. Now, after living in Brexit Britain for more than three years I couldn't bear to watch the show. It perpetuates the myth of Noble Empire to a public that doesn't need convincing. There are the vast swathes of the British population who are proud of Empire. Just this evening, I was telling my mother how the British are among the least religious people in the West. She was surprised given how popular the Royal family is. I replied that you don't need to be religious to be racist. Empire is central to British identity. Not only do I feel alienated from the people who are avid supporters of the Royal family, but also from those who think the Royal Family is an innocuous irrelevance. It is not innocuous and it snot irrelevant. Even if the reigning monarch becomes unpopular or brings himself or herself into disrepute, the idea of Empire will remain popular.
Over the weekend, I read a piece by an FT journalist about copping with Covid lockdown as a single woman who lives by herself. It was searing in its honesty, and I imagine it took a lot of courage to write. Admitting to yourself that you are lonely is difficult enough, much less admitting it to the world. The article echoed my frustration that marriage/coupledom is seen as essential to being happy, across countries and cultures. but, this post is not about loneliness, a topic that I have written about often, and will continue to do so. One line stuck with me, "Just because it is my problem, doesn't make it my fault". Amen. When we find ourselves in an unfavourable situation, we often blame ourselves, which is natural. how long can you blame bad luck? If you are of the over-thinking variety, it is easier to turn the critical gaze on to yourself. Bad luck is a conversation- and thought-stopper. It cannot be dissected without venturing into the realm of the supernatural. You and your purported failings, on the other hand, provide infinite opportunities for introspection, dissection and intellectualization. But, while tempting, this is not an innocuous past-time because self-talk matters. Repeated self-condemnation can corrode your self-esteem. So, it is preferable to blame bad luck and put an end to the internal conversation.
