Ask, and You Shall Receive

 I never thought I would quote someone from Instagram, but here goes: "Ask, and you shall receive. At the very least, you shall receive an answer (no response is sometimes an answer too). If you never ask, you shall never know. A missed opportunity tight there. If there is something on your mind, if you have a lingering question or request, if you would like for support - GO FOR IT." Nothing very profound here, but it was delivered by an inspirational person: an Arab woman who took up mountaineering just a few years ago and has already climbed Everest and K2, and lost her father a few years ago. The quote struck a cord with me, and I found myself mouthing it when I was trying to decide to ask for something. There are many reasons one may not want to ask for what one wants or needs--embarrassment, pride, fear of rejection, loss of privacy, ridicule. I don't want to dismiss any of these reasons as irrational. Asking for something is an admission of need or vulnerability, which we may not be comfortable making to everyone or anyone. And, the situation, the timing and the manner of asking are all important. As is the ability to cope with an unfavourable response with grace and good cheer. But, on balance, I would say, asking, rather than keeping mum is the better strategy. Being able to communicate your needs makes it easier to admit that you need something in the first place. And, asking for something puts the onus on the universe for whatever happens next. At least, you don't keep kicking yourself for not asking until its too late. And, this piece of advice has served me well on the past few occasions. I have had a few favourable responses, some neutral, some unfavourable, but not a single time have I regretted asking.

Trail Running

Last evening, I went for my second-ever group trail run, and it was tough going.  It was a pretty hot day, and I had also not fully recovered from my trail run on Saturday morning. I knew I was running after a two-week break so if I pushed myself, I would bear the consequences. And, I did. 12 kms with a sizeable ascent was not a good idea, and I can't remember the last time I felt so pooped. I was lucky I didn't have other plans for the weekend, because I may have had to drop them. For a long time now, I have known that I am someone who tends to push themselves too much physically and that I need to do a better job of listening to my body. I have struggled with a unstable shoulder for years now, not least because I push myself too much, which puts me back to square one, which frustrates me further, and the cycle continues. Now, I have resumed a routine that I found helpful in the past, up to the point where I overdid it. Now, I'm taking my time with the routine and enjoying it more. And, enjoyment is the point of it. I took up trail-running because I did some fabulous trail runs on a recent holiday. Think running through forests, green meadows and mist-soaked hills with no soul in sight and the wind in my face. Enough physical exertion to get the dopamines going, but not so much that I couldn't enjoy my surroundings. The past few trail runs in Bristol have not been enjoyable because I have approached them as tasks to be conquered. It doesn't help that having Strava on your phone pushes you to go faster. So, I guess I need to pace myself, both during runs and in choosing runs. My next run is going to be a pretty short run, I reckon. 

Listening To Your Own Advice

 I have written before about how giving advice mostly entails telling people what they already know, but that, in itself, doesn't make it pointless. (Unsolicited advice is a whole another ballgame though, and not what I am going to talk about today). Sometimes people know the right course of action or inaction, but they need to hear it from someone they trust. But, today's post is about listening to your own advice. A friend who is going through a rough path messaged me the other day,. They feel like they have lost their zest for life and their motivation  to do well in their job, which requires a lot of creativity. My advice to them was that they are smart, capable, and these are exceptional circumstances that won't last. Basically, to give themselves some time to come back to their default state (yes, default states can change, but that's a topic for another day). And, as I was recording the message I realised that  a lot of what I was saying to them applied to me. I am also struggling to find the passion in my work and have been feeling adrift and diffident since my PhD even though I know that I am intelligent. Maybe, I just need to give myself some time, either to regain the passion in my work or to figure out if I want to anything else. 

Another BFF Date

  I have written previously about my first Bumble BFF date and how the platonic chemistry was lacking. Today, I had my second BFF date, which went much better even if there were no sparks either. I don't want to turn this into a blog post about how friendships are formed. But, I couldn't help but notice that the first one was with a British guy. I haven't written about this before, and my views are not fully formed on this topic, but I find it difficult to make friends with British people. They can be pleasant enough, but then you often hit a wall made up of that famous British reserve. There are lots of things I appreciate about life In Britain, particularly that it is an introvert-friendly society. There is no expectation to strike up random conversations with strangers. But, the British reserve has its downsides too. Making friendships entails stepping into other people's space and taking the chance that they might resent the intrusion. 

Message Response Time

 I used to be someone who responds to messages immediately, but not any more. I started prolonging my responses to people who take ages to respond, and that habit is starting to seep through into all my communication. At first, I would be annoyed by people who didn't respond quickly but not any more. Some people are busier amd have more active social life than others, and as my social activity ahs picked up, I can appreciate that it is not difficult to fall behind on responding to messages. Responding to messages too fast can put pressure o the opposite person to keep up, and I am warming to the slower pace of communication. And in some cases, responding to quickly can encourage even more unwanted messages. 

Inadequate Supervision

 I had a meeting with a dissertation supervisee this afternoon which had echoes of my interactions with my PhD supervisor. He said he was not satisfied with his work and agreed with my criticism but did not know how to proceed. He seemed to imply that my feedback had pointed out the faults in his work but not given him enough guidance to improve. I remember feeling exactly the same way about my supervisor's feedback and struggling to understand what she expected from me. But, what I have come to realise is she didn't expect anything specific except rigorous research and carefully argued conclusions. Her job, and now my job, is not to issue specific directions but simply provide feedback on the rigour of the work and the presentation of its ideas. Research is a step (however tiny) into the unknown. Sometimes one lands on their feet, sometimes one falters or falls. In the latter cases, it is natural to try to pin blame, either on oneself or on others. But, the fact is that sometimes research does not go according to plan and/or to one's satisfaction, and one should have the humility to accept that.  

Airport Blog With A Difference

 I have a fondness for airport blogs, as reader(s) of this blog would know, but this is a blog with a difference because this time I am not waiting for a flight. I am sitting at an airport restaurant after bidding adieu to my parents returning to India after a three-week trip. I haven't blogged since they arrived because blogging requires space and solitude and I haven't had much of either in the past few weeks. I know I sound like a curmudgeon when I say that, but I am not bitter. I am simply stating a fact, and it was a welcome change from my daily life, which gives me plenty of time and opportunity for reflection. My parents' visit was not without potholes, but those potholes were to do with third parties and not the three of is. My only regret is that I don't drive, as that would have reduced the length of time that we spent with third-parties. Aside from that, there was  lot of fodder for blogging, which I will chew over in the coming weeks. All and all, it was a good visit and I may have discovered a new hobby--fell-running! Although I am not much of a runner, I ran almost every day in the past few weeks. As I was travelling with four seniors, some of whom are not in good shape, running gave me a good workout. Good workout=a sense of achievement + less restlessness + less impatience + more appetite. And, food and the tensions surrounding food choices was a big theme of the last leg of our trip. So, I think I am definitely going to write separate blogs on one's relationship with food and on running.