Change of Gear

 I felt like I was stuck in tur with my introduction, so I decided to change tack and move to my conceptual chapter, Sure enough, I was able to make progress. It is an abiding rule that in a large project when you get stuck on something move to something else. In hindsight, maybe I should have started with the conceptual chapter. But, letting something unfinished is hard, and one only makes such a move when one is at wit's end. It is also astonishing how swiftly I go from brimming with confidence and momentum to feeling down in the dumps. It can happen in a matter of hours, as it did today. Its important not to read too much into either. Feeling upbeat doesn't mean the war is over, and feeling gutted doesn't mean the war is lost.

Discovering the Pleasure of Baths

 After living in Europe for almost six years, I used the bathtub for the first time today. Now, I can't believe it took me so long to discover the pleasure of soaking in water. Actually, it was a mini-bath because it started as a shower and I decided to push the bathplug in mid-way. Now, instead of my Sunday evening hot showers after I you-know-what I am going to have a bath. A hot shower in winter when its cold and dark is relaxing, not so much in summer with the sun blazing through the window. Today, I was feeling worried about finishing my PhD on time. after soaking a tub for about twenty minutes, I felt much better. So, its going to be cold showers and hot baths from now on. Baths are too much of a luxury to have more than once a week. And, I come from a country where showers are a luxury, and most people have bath with a bucket. But, once a week is an indulgence I can allow myself without worrying that I am destroying the planet. 

Perversion

 I read an interesting article about perversion today. What is perversion? The denial of some aspect of reality coupled with objectification, dehumanization and exploitation. The article interviews an author who wrote a book titled 'The Age of Perversion'. Needless to say, the author is a psychologist. While it is annoying that academics create a theory of everything out of their own area of interest, I have often wondered about what psychological forces motivate people to say or do abominable things like a police officer putting his knee on someone's neck and keeping it there even after the person has lost consciousness. The word I was thinking of was sado-masochism and I thought that the people engaging in it derive some libidinal pleasure from it. An activity doesn't have to be overtly sexual for someone to derive sexual pleasure from it. But, apparently, a better word for it is perversion. Perversion comes in all forms and sizes, and even watching porn involves perversion. Its not simply fantasy, it also involves dehumanization, objectification and sometimes exploitation. There are also forms of mass perversion, such as nationalism, casteism and racism. Of course, psychologists will attribute all failings in society to psychological tendencies of the human race, just as sociologists will focus on structural factors. There is always the danger of picking up an interesting concept and taking it too far. But, I found the concept of perversion interesting, nonetheless. 

Portugal Off Green List

 Portugal was taken off the green list of countries that people returning from do not need to quarantine either in a hotel or at home. Cue shock and horror from the tabloids about ruined vacation plans. A tweet from a disability rights activist summed up my feelings on the subject--'Love the "I'm sorry you don't need to travel but people like me think its important??" Very much the pandemic equivalent of "I'm sorry I'm so beautiful! You wouldn't understand". Some people pounced on her for not distinguishing between travelling to see family and holidaying, but that is a minor point. Her tweet was to do with Portugal been taken off the green list. I am sure some people living in the UK have family living in Portugal but I would be surprised if those people number in the tens of thousands. To be honest, I felt a little amused to see the vacation plans go up in smoke. If you need a foreign holiday so badly you can afford to have the holiday cancelled. If you are stretching your finances to go on a foreign holiday you are an idiot. With what is happening in India, I have absolutely no sympathy for middle-class people crying about ruined holiday plans. And don't even get me started on the passport privileges. I can't go to Portugal on a whim even in normal times. Some newspapers ran stories about people determined to go on holidays despite the government's decisions. More power to them! If they can enjoy themselves amid a pandemic knowing that they are putting themselves and others at risk of infection they must be special people. I'm guessing there is a large overlap between people prepared to go ahead with holidays during a pandemic and people who will break self-quarantine.

Be Like A Snail

Since the beginning of the week, I have been thinking of the best mental strategy to get me through the final stages of my PhD. On some occasions, the task ahead seems easy and doable, and on others it feels impossibly difficult. This afternoon, it occurred to me that I should be like a snail. A snail is notorious for its slow pace, but maybe that is what I need right now. Slow, deliberate progress. Trying to rush has not got me anywhere. A snail moves slowly but surely, taking its time to decide the direction it wants to move in and responding to changing circumstances. When it sees danger, instead of trying to brave it, it retreats into its shell, hunkering down till the danger has passed. Maybe that is the strategy I should follow--slow but deliberate progress, taking the time to find the right path, and hunkering down in the face of adversity instead of flailing. 

Not Sweating The Small Stuff

 Am I getting better at not sweating the small stuff or has what counts as big stuff changed for everyone. Incidents that would have bothered me 18 months ago, only do so momentarily, just enough to register that this was previously an annoying turn of events. Stuff like the cleaning lady indirectly accusing me of stealing the chocolates she keeps in the fridge. Or noisy housemates. Or my Mom's penchant for conspiracy theories. It has made me realize that reacting to the small stuff is a choice. And, sometimes you should react, but that reaction can be conscious and deliberate rather than an outburst. And the last incident with Betty two months ago, which a few years ago would have thrown me. And, I did find Betty's mere presence triggering for a few weeks afterwards. But, what triggers you may not necessarily harm you, and repeated exposure does blunt the trigger. 

PhD and Jenga

After the long weekend, I am happy to note that I am have gone back to the PhD with vengeance, I am planning to apply for a job, and it just struck me that I don't have much time left, even assuming that I am granted a 3-months extension. And, if I manage to land this job, I will be even more pressed for time. So, I have gone with hammer and tongs at my PhD, and I already fin myself waistdeep in the mire that is my conceptual argument. The arugment is too complicated and I am trying to reduce the number of concepts I draw upon. But, my thesis, at the moment feels like a Jenga  game. I have to figure out how to remove blocks without having the whole thing come tumbling down. Well, if I keeping showing up and attacking it, something has got to give, I guess.