Humanizing Success

Another fascinating article from a writer who wrote the article that this post was based on. This one was about how obnoxious behaviour by brilliant men is tolerated, even feted. It is seen as adding to their charm and uniqueness. Just yesterday, I was chatting to a friend about how I am not a big  fan of Benedict Cumberbatch's Sherlock Holmes because they were enough brilliant entitled male pricks in the world as it is. Not that Sherock Holmes, or Benedict Cumberbatch have sexually assaulted anyone, to my knowledge, but the point remains. Quirks and foibles that would never be tolerated in a woman of equal brains or talent are feted in men.
The writer went further. She wrote about the need to "humanize" success. I quote:

The point is not to put women on those patriarchy-shaped pedestals instead of men, but to expand the meaning of success beyond the unimaginative monoculture of numbers, money, size, etc, and include human aspects of life into the conversation... A heterogeneous celebration of achievement of different scales; determining relevance by philosophical and poetic values; celebrating how life is lived with self and others: we should say hats off to all these.

I believe for feminism to be truly emancipatory, it must liberate men as well as women. It is not simply a matter offering badly behaved brilliant women the same latitude as men, but changing social norms to make such behaviour unacceptable by either sex. Will we lose some brilliant minds to public censure? Maybe. Or our eyes may open to new forms of brilliance. 

Shopping for Clothes

I am not a big fan of any kind of shopping, but I find shopping for clothes particularly vexing. Not least because my body proportions are such that I struggle to find clothes that fit me well. I have broad shoulders, a narrow waist, stout thighs and unnaturally long legs. Not bad proportions to have, one would think, but they don't make clothes for people like me. Shirts that fit well at the chest and shoulders bunch up at the sides where I tuck them into my pants. Pants are usually loose at the waist or tight at the thighs or too short. I am sure if I cared more about clothes I  would find clothes that fit me well, but I can't be bothered. I like to look good, but can't be bothered to take too  much effort over it.
If  that wasn't  enough, I frequently suffer from buyer's remorse. Often, I buy stuff in a hurry because I want to be done with shopping, and then regret my haste.
Today was no different. I spent almost an hour and a half with a friend in Marks and Spencer and all I bought was one  shirt. I had decided that I wouldn't buy clothes that I didn't particularly like or didn't fit well. I have enough of such clothes as it is. I'm glad I didn't leave much room for buyer's haste today but it was still a mentally exhausting experience.
 The only type of shopping I find endurable is shopping for food. Maybe it is to do with the fact that food is essential for survival whereas clothes are not. 

Honesty

I've always had an uneasy relationship with honesty. And, no, I am not a serial liar. What I mean is if I felt wronged by someone, I wouldn't tell them. I don't like confrontation, because it is unpleasant and because it involves conversation. In the past few years, I have realized that what I was doing was being dishonest to both the other person and to myself. When you hold something in that you should be let out it doesn't sit quietly inside of you. It chips away at your insides, sometimes leaving  scars that ossify and become inflamed. Of course, some people who wrong you are best avoided if they are not worth your while. But, when it comes to people that matter, both you and they deserve honesty in most circumstances. I  agree that being honesty can sometimes lead to circumstances that drain your body and soul, so like most things in life, there are no absolute maxims.
When it comes to white lies I don't feel conflicted at all. White lies spare conversation or effort or other people's feelings but, of course, you are only allowed to deploy them on people you don't particularly care for. Otherwise, the habit can easily get out of control, I suppose.

Change

It's three weeks since the  clocks went back and I am finally used to the shorter days. To cycling back in the pitch darkness of Eastville Park and Stoke Park. The shorter days have their own charm. I love doing yoga and sipping tea in the dark. One has to move with the rhythms of the world, not fight them. Changing seasons, changing circumstances, changing people. Being a creature of habit, I am not one for  constant change.  I like my routine. In fact, I savour it, take refuge in it. In a uncertain times, I find its constancy reassuring.
But what does one do when faced with change? One, eventually adjusts to it, with greater or lesser difficulty, sooner or later. "To adapt or perish is nature's inexorable imperative". But what about circumstances where it is not healthy to adapt, circumstances that call for resistance to change. Which brings us to one of  the most vital questions when dealing with life--when to back off and when to push back. One gets better at it with experience. One has to fall off several  small precipices to learn to avoid  the big ones. What helps is the resolution to be kind--to oneself and to others.

Grading

I met a girl a couple of months ago who was a PhD student. We got talking about teaching, and she mentioned how she enjoyed teaching but hated grading. Not because of the time and the effort but because of the responsibility of deciding someone's fate and potentially having to fail them.
I started grading essays for my course today. For a few minutes, I was tempted to look up the students by their numbers and see whom I was grading. Wisely, I decided against it. It is more ethical to grade anonymously because the moment you know whom you are grading you set expectations which can influence your grade.
I got through about 10 essays today and it was easier than I had imagined. Tiring, but it wasn't an endless series of dilemmas. One instinctively knows what grade to give and, frankly, I don't have the time to agonize endlessly over it. Yes, you have to be careful with your feedback so that you don't expose yourself to grade protests. Obvious stuff like saying an essay was excellent but just grading it as a  60 is asking for trouble.
But I discovered that I like evaluating essays and providing feedback. At least, I only have to pass judgement and not improve it, as I had to for the short while that I was an editor. 

Poetry Reading

I went for a poetry reading session with my book club yesterday and quickly realized how difficult it is to comprehend dense poems that are read out to you. I suppose the ideal way to read a poem is to dwell on the verses, read them at least a few times and spend a considerable amount of time pondering over them. To knead them over in your head and coax out different meanings from them.
So it was no surprise that I was lost in most of the poems. What surprised me was one or two poems captivated me. One was a word-play showing how men and women said the same set of  consecutive words in different ways and come up with completely different meanings.
I am not poetry afficionado but the beauty of good poems is that they touch you in ways you can't entirely fathom. You can't fully describe why they appeal to you, which is what distinguishes them from good prose. Good poetry tries to give form to a higher more subtle truth than prose. Which is why its so bloody difficult.

Self Improvement and Self Acceptance

I was chatting with a friend today and she told me about a personality test she had taken. My reaction was less than encouraging, given that I am still digesting the results of the Myers-Briggs test. She argued that she likes to improve herself by whatever means, which got me thinking about my own attitude towards self-improvement and the connections between all the self hyphens (self-acceptance, self-realisation, self-actualization)

I don't see myself as a perpetual project. I am aware of some of my flaws and unaware of others like everyone else, but I feel like sometimes our attitude towards our flaws can be more harmful than the flaws themselves. A long torturous relationship with guilt has made me realize that, even though that is the staple teaching of most meditation courses and philosophies associated with self acceptance. As for self improvement, it is a difficult task to change well-formed behaviour and thought patterns. Our behaviour and thought patterns are emergent--they reflect our surroundings and circumstances as well as our personalities, which are not set in stone either. Sometimes the correct (by which I mean most useful) response to change the situation rather than the thought/behaviour pattern.

This post has become much more complicated than I had thought it would be and since I have to run, I will pick up on it some other time.