Getting On With Life

The past few weeks have been difficult, to say the least. My emotional state has alternated between fear for my own immigration status, dread at the unfolding fascist hellscape and frustration at my writer's block. I had been wondering how long one can live paralysed by fear and uncertainty, especially when leaving is an option. Today, for the first time, I felt the paralysis lift from me even though the day started with ominous news about possible ICE activities on campus. On most days, the news would have pushed me into a funk for most of if not for the whole day. But, not today. I was concerned, but not alarmed, and I manage to do more work than I had in ages. By absolute standards, it was not a lot, but I was satisfied. The goal of mindfulness practices is not to destroy one's demons but to put some distance between you and them so that you can observe them rather than being engulfed by them. I have no illusions about the next few months. The political situation is likely to get worse before or if it gets better, and there will be dark days when one feels like a helpless vegetable. But, for the first time in weeks, I felt that I might be able to cope with it long enough to see what’s on the other side. I have been telling friends (and myself) that one cannot keep living like this, one has to get on with one’s life. Finally, I felt that I was beginning to heed my own advice.