The Courage of the Cautious

A few minutes after I finished writing last week's blog post I was struck by panic. It turned out there were Zionist students in the audience recording the speeches at the rally. After the rally, the Zionists had tried to get an old woman arrested for anti-semitic speech. When I heard about this, I freaked out. I started going over what I had said in my speech, and whether I had said anything that could be construed as anti-semitic by bad-faith actors. Needless to say, I didn't sleep too well that night. The panic was a learning experience though. One doesn't realise one's risk threshold until one has neared it or crossed it, and in this instance, I felt like I had bitten off more than I could chew, even though my fear was irrational. On the other hand, courage is like a muscle that gets stronger with exercise. For instance, at the beginning of the genocide, I was nervous to go on protests because of my immigration status and the threats from the government. Now, I don't even give it on a second thought, even though I know someone who has been arrested on of these demos. To be sure, personality matters, a cautious person is unlikely to become a braveheart no mater how much they exercise their courage muscle. I am cautious by nature, and there is nothing wrong with that. Not everyone needs to be the tip of the spear, you need people for the shaft. NO revolution or radical social change is possible without the cautious becoming more courageous because the cautious are more numerous compared to the firebrands. And, the surprising thing is the next morning I was prepping my next speech. I spoke again at a rally today. While I was mentally prepared to be recorded this time and had gone over my speech with a fine tooth comb, I did face a moment of panic last night when someone mentioned how organised the Zionists were. But the moment passed quickly, and while I felt a bit nervous this morning, I gave my speech and also stepped into emcee at the last moment. And, I feel quite nonchalant about speech-giving now. I know this doesn't mean I won't feel anxious about it in the future. Anxiety is a funny animal who doesn't follow the laws of reason, such as they maybe, but I do feel like I have given my courage muscles a good workout in recent weeks and months.