Friends/Lovers as Therapists

(Some) women complain that (many) men can't/don't want to talk about their feelings. Many men are also realising that their friendships with other men ae superficial and that the conversation doesn't go beyond the level of banter or piss-taking. There are, unquestionably, many men who would benefit from talking about their feelings or even seeking therapy (I don't believe everyone needs therapy, but that is a topic for another post). But there are also men who are comfortable talking about their feelings with women, men who count women among their close friends. Yes, cishet men, not just gay men. I have written before about benign masculinity, and how some men are more comfortable talking to their female friends rather than their male friends, even if they know that the latter are also the sensitive, feminist types. Today's post is about these men who are comfortable talking about their feelings with women they have established a rapport with. For such men, it is easy to slip into the role of therapee, and there are women who complain about being put into the role of therapist by potential romantic partners. And, that is obviously a bad idea for a number of reasons. Friends/partners are not trained in counselling, and talking to them might be counter-productive even if they are well-meaning. Secondly, the risk of slipping into a neediness/co-dependency dynamic which is unfair on the other person. Yes, being able to confide in the other person when in need is an essential aspect of any romantic or close platonic relationship. But, relationships are about so much more than seeking or providing emotional support. They are about shared interests, shared values and beliefs, fun, laughter, banter, maybe sex. If its only emotional support and guidance you are after and you can afford it, you should be prepared to fork out 50 quid per session. Not to mention the fact that you can be much more frank with someone you don't know and who doesn't know you (becoming the client of a friend who is a professional therapist is a bad idea). And, if you does feel yourself slipping into such a dynamic, maybe its a sign that you do need a therapist.