yellowing pages

One week into a new city and a new job and you can be excused for feeling a little rudderless. ACJ already seems a distant memory although it has been less than a month since I graduated. And then there are even more distant memories- engineering college and junior college. Further back is school.So how does one continuously reorient oneself in the face of constantly changing circumstances? Is there anything to be gained from pondering over the change in one’s circumstances?
Technology today allows one to visit all these people and memories simultaneously. One is bombarded by recollections from different periods of one’s life. Looking back feels like sifting through an old dusty book in which every chapter is unlike the others. There are sad chapters interspersed with happy chapters and turning the leaf on a happy chapter is always painful. And one is always left wondering whether the last chapter will be the happiest in the book.
A recent happy chapter is visited again and again. Technology allows us to visit not-so-recent chapters frequently as the people who inhabit those pages are just an index finger-press away. But as the pages keep adding to the book revisiting long past chapters becomes more and more laborious. We bookmark some pages and people for quick reference and leave the others to yellow away peacefully. Technology has, in some senses, made human memory irrelevant. There are enough visual, audio aids to aid memory that it seems like one need not remember anything at all. One need just store in a flash drive or as a digital photo. Technology allows us to freeze moments of time for posterity. But, for all its glories, it cannot arrest the motion of relationships. It can freeze memories of a relationship but not the relationship itself. It can remind us of what certain people meant to us but cannot influence what they mean to us now. Relationships are fluid and certain people become less dear to us as time goes by. And it is this I fear. That I can’t freeze all the relationships from a recent happy period of my life. I must watch as people drift away from me, as they become less dear to me and me to them. I’m not worried about the bookmarks, or the main actors in my story. I am worried about the supporting actors who go a long way in defining a period of one’s life. I might think of them and imagine what their life is like right now. But, they will yellow away and every time I revisit them I will realize that they mean less and less to me. At such meetings pleasantries will be exchanged and good memories invoked. But conversation will dry up eventually, soon enough. And there is nothing I can do about it.

was introduced to Orkut a few months back. Actually it was more than a year ago and I should have written this piece ages ago when it would have seemed relevant. So let assume for the sake of argument that I have just been introduced to Orkut. For the uninitiated, its an online networking site where you can meet friends, join communities and leave public messages on people’s scrapbook. I chanced upon an ex-community from my school and suddenly I found a lot of people I had lost contact with. The inevitable round of “hi…remember me?”’s followed. It got me all nostalgic and misty-eyed. It had been six years since I had last seen or talked to any of them. The ensuing conversation was invariably along these lines—“ ya of course I rem u..im gud..im doin thisthis course in this this place.what abt u???”. “I’m doing this this course in this this place”. Then the message boards go silent. What do you say to a guy with whom your only shared memory is the chalk fights you used to have between periods(oops!! between lectures.used to call them periods in school). Or how he used to pick on you or vice-versa.( in which case you might still hate him or vice-versa) And suddenly the euphoria ebbs. The “ its so great to meet everyone after sooo long” is replaced by “ Glad to know you are alive. Hope to hear from you again after another six years..if not longer.” Which makes sense. I have kept in touch with school friends with whom I had a deeper relationship than a common loathing for Maths and the Maths teacher. Of course I had a rollicking time with all those people back in school. But I guess friendship needs fuel— common interests, common values some common ground. What works best is common destiny. Destiny often brings people together and we sail along thinking about how merry our company is, how well we get along. And when destiny separates us we are left with the remains of a withered friendship. But it withers so gracefully, so unspectacularly that we barely feel the pain.
People change, so how can friendships be expected not to. The interesting thing about friendship is that its end need not be acknowledged. Infact friendships are not known to end except as a result of a feud or falling out between friends. “We shall always be friends”. We are going our separate ways. Chances are I’m never going to talk to you or think about you. But we shall always be friends. If we ever run into each other in the local we shall make casual conversation. The hand of friendship is easily extended and need not be withdrawn.
Continuing on the topic of ephemeral friendships, I have been on a dozen Himalayan treks almost each with a different set of people. I got along like a house on fire with most of them. But I’m not in touch with a single person. We have never even tried to keep in touch. Friendships that spring up in the confines of a group in the lap of nature, among people determined to have a good time cannot withstand the vagaries of everyday life. These friendships come with an expiry date.
On the other end of the spectrum are my childhood friends — my colony buddies. We are at widely dispersed locations our interests are even more disparate. But whenever we meet up there is never a lull in the conversation. I wonder why? Nothing in common here,right. Maybe because whatever we are today, to each other we are still kids. We remember each other as kids and still see each other as kids. There is the consequent lack of pretence. Common childhood experiences count for something.
My brush with my school friends rekindled some memories, lightened my heart as I thought about those happy days. But it did only that. Some living people cease to be except in our memories.

I just finished reading a book called ‘When corporations rule the world’ by David Korten. It talks about the pernicious influence of corporations on economic, political and social fronts. How corporations play an active role in shaping a nation’s economic, foreign and fiscal policy which is a heavily covered issue in liberal circles. And how competing corporations can make common cause and pool their resources to together to serve mutual interests.

What I found particularly interesting was his analysis of the marketing function of corporations. How the goal is not just to sell products and promote a consumer culture but to create a political culture that equates the corporate interest with the human interest in the public mind. TV with its ability to implant identical images in the minds of millions of people can homogenize knowledge, tastes, desires and most importantly perspectives. If you achieve a certain measure of success in controlling how people think, not just what they think about that’s half the battle. How the natural evolution of a populist culture based on people’s aspirations and their interactions within and without their community has been thwarted and replaced by a global homogenized consumer culture based on a warped sense of reality.

And all the while the people are lead to believe that the ultimate power—that of choice, rests with them. Consumers can always use their dollar-votes to wield influence on the corporations is the argument of most neo-classical economists. The idea that consumer decides and the market responds is a fanciful notion which projects an exceedingly benign image of corporations. Widely dispersed consumers who make their choices independent of each other, are no match for the highly organized giant corporations united in their quest to squeeze consumers dry.

Korten is a vociferous critic of the corporate libertarian school of thought which believes in free markets, open trade and a globalized economy. He is however an avid fan of Adam Smith of the famous Invisible Hand Theory which is seen to be the cornerstone of the capitalist school of thought. Korten seeks to salvage his idol’s reputation from the machinations of neo-classical economists. He says that firstly that the Invisible Hand Theory only holds true under ideal conditions of perfect competition and absence of monopolies, externalities etc. He also takes pains to illustrate that Adam Smith was vigorously against corporations and all twelve mentions of them in The Wealth Of Nations have been unfavourable.

Korten describes himself as neither a fan of big government nor of big business . He believes in the power of the market and imagines a scenario in which almost producers are small and consume a major portion of their produce themselves and no one producer is big enough to influence the price. Something akin to rural American life in the nineteenth century before the food giants moved in. However the pastoral setting he so fondly describes seems far-fetched. And there is no reason not to believe that the present day corporation is the natural progression of the small private enterprises he vouches for.

His analysis of the problem was incisive and thought-provoking. However I found his solutions less engaging, which is why I gave the book up midway.

My roomie and I were driving back from a movie festival the other evening. I was feeling a little blue because my results were out and as it turned out I would have to reacquaint myself with one especially tiresome subject. Not that I had really worked for the exam but I had hoped I had worked enough. To make matters worse (for me) my friends, my erstwhile companions in distress had left me far behind. They were jubilant and I was anything but.. And suddenly all the talk about us, the farzi (shamming) engineers, not caring about how we fared in exams, rang hollow.

We were driving on a dark by-lane when suddenly my eyes made out a form in the distance. I immediately told warned my roomie and he flashed his dipper which caught a petrified cyclist tinkering with his bike in the middle of the road. My roomie slammed his brakes and moments latter we heard a loud screech as the car behind us did likewise. It was a close shave for the cyclist and for us because onlookers are not known to be charitable towards car owners who run over cyclists, no matter whose fault it is. Similarly car owners are not known to be charitable towards other car owners who brake suddenly and cause a crash, especially if the former heavily outnumber the latter.

And suddenly I didn’t feel so bad any more. At least no one was dead. As long as there is life there is possibility. Things are never as bad as they are made out to be. As long as there is life you can always retire to fight another day.

Got a call from my cellular service provider asking regarding some user verification.Uptil now they had been content to pester me with recorded messages every time i dialled a number. Its a pre-paid number so you buy a card use it up and refill it whenever you like.No grounds for the service provider to call you up,no unpaid bills etc.You would think.But apparently these guys want to keep tabs on people using their phones.But that is n't half of it. They want you to go down to their showroom and submit proof of address,a photograph etc.I had to pinch myself to make sure I was n't dreaming.Look im not applying for an American H1-B visa. Im not asking for anything except being left alone to continue using the number i have been using for the past 3 and half years.And i dont photograph well.So I dont like handing out freebies of photos in which i look alright.When the girl told me to do it i asked her if there was a last date.She said there was n't one. Then she hastily added that i was supposed to do the needful within 2 days of receiving this call failing which i would n't be able to make out-going calls. I told her i was busy and i would n't be able to find the time.She asked me what my problem was as though i was some loony who had called her up to harass her.And i had to pinch myself again to make sure this was n't a dream in which i was a hapless call-centre coolie peddling loans to irate potential customers. Hang on for a second now.Are n't i supposed to be the irate customer here?How did this role reversal happen?So much for the private sector being efficient,customer-friendly and prompt.I am no champion of the public sector or of government services.But atleast they are not out to fleece you.They are only callous and indifferent to your problems which i dont mind. I go to electricity board office to pay my bills not to feel good about the world in general and people in particular.And to their credit the time they cut of our electricity(due to unpaid bills of the previous tenants) they did such a shoddy job that my enterprising roomie was able to set it right himself.My experiences with private-run services have been that great.Our last internet service provider would give us connectivity only every alternate day.Our present isp makes feel like we are asking for free adult movie downloads when we ask to be compensated for no-connectivity days.Once our friendly call-centre executive had hung i was in half a mind to call the enquiry number and let of some steam.But then i thought--'what if its not a toll-free number and they charge me for calling up and asking them why they were harassing me?'.In any case it might have been an empty threat.As an engineering student i'm no stranger to empty threats.That's the favoutite hobby of our professors and even if a fraction of those threats had been serious almost no one of us would have reached final year.So i'm just going to stay put--waiting and watching

Watched a documentary called Occupation:Dreamland. It was about American troops stationed in Fallujah—a hotbed of anti-occupation resistance. The film focused exclusively on the rank-and-file of the army—the people in the centre of the action.
. The documentary was firmly anti-war which is fine with me. I guess there is no such thing as an impartial film. The very fact that you were moved to make a movie on a particular subject shows that you have strong opinions about it. Fence-sitting is for mainstream media talk show hosts who cant afford to offend either side in lieu of TV ratings. The best you can do is make a balanced movie—give both viewpoints adequate space or else you end up with a movie.
This movie was n’t about the politics of the war which has been covered extensively. It was about the people on the ground. American troops are usually characterized as ruthless killing machines or selfless, patriotic youths ready to lay down their lives for the cause of freedom, depending on where you stand on the political spectrum. I think the USP of this movie is it shows them as just young men, no different from millions all over the world.
There were all shades of political opinion even though most soldier said they were n’t political. Some pro, some anti-war, some doubtful but still trusting of the higher-ups. Some telling themselves they were there for a reason to keep their heads from getting messed up—the sheer practicality of it. All of them agreeing they had to follow orders no matter what their personal opinions were. I suppose most armies condition soldiers to obey orders implicitly and discourage a culture of political consciousness. Which is perfect for the army. The lesser the guys doing the dirty work think the smoother things run. Almost none of the soldiers in the movie were keen on building a glorious career in the military. Infact one of them expressed mild contempt for the ambitious ones always volunteering for missions in which they would n’t be in harm’s way,just to rack up points. Most of them were kids who had no great ambitions, no great prospects for the future. The ones who did could n’t afford college. Some of them had ‘screwed up’-- got into a little trouble with the law. Easy prey for the sophisticated recruiting machinery. Most of them there because they did n’t have a place they’ rather be.
I believe the American Army has to try much harder to get people to enlist than ,say, the Indian Army does. The American troops are n’t really crazy about giving their lives up for their country. But why should they be when a lot of their countrymen are busy pursuing the much touted Great American Dream. In an aggressively materialistic society self-sacrifice is n’t valued. Which underscores my point that patriotism and similar lofty ideals are the luxury of people who are n’t inconvenienced by it. What really surprised me was how hard the army tries to get its soldiers to renew their contracts. They are required to sit in a slew of meetings regarding this. Apparently, there is a popular notion that the Army is the refuge for anti-social freaks who can’t cope with civil life and the guy conducting the meeting was quick to denounce this idea as untrue. Then he asked the soldiers if they had figured out what to do with their lives. ”You need to have a plan about where you want to be 5 years, 10 years from now.” Its amazing how people who tell you that you need to have a plan almost certainly have a plan for you. Its like—“look, you need to have a plan which you do n’t but I do. So go with my plan.” I can definitely identify with this experience. They are told that some of them are not responsible, not mature enough and still need the firm guiding hand of the military. Tap into the fears and insecurities of youth and you know you ‘ll have them eating out of your hands.

my first comment...infallible evidence that atleast someone has stumbled upon my blog.ofcourse some friends did"i did n't know u blog" but they did nt comment on the blog(maybe out of politeness which is highly out of character of them)The artless blogger has some valid points--"that micro actions(like singing the national anthem) do influence our nature in not very tangible ways.I agree and even admitted to getting that queasy feeling when it plays.Im not for or against it--- i just mentioned it as one of the ways in which we choose to express our patriotism and the incongruity of the situation.BUt my beef with patriotism is it is always invoked against an extenal adversary.Lets forget the inner evils and concentrate on the outer evils.It also suggests that all sections of society have an equal 'stake'in India and gain equally whenever India secures a victory on the international stage.So the billionaires in Malabar hill are Indians first and filthy rich later.A man in the Dharavi slums is Indian first and hungry,wretched,destitute,jobless later.Of course you dont need to be rich to be a 'patriotic' Indian.That's the beauty of it.You can be poor,hungry and homeless and still be patriotic if you are willing to ignore the fact that you are poor, hungry and homeless(and why you are poor,hungry and homeless) and get behind the government.

Enough of the cynism.I have a uncanny feeling that i'm beginning to sound like a bitter,old retired communist which i'm not.So i shall save these tirades for when i reach my father's age(his present age,i mean) i think the most patriotic thing to do is to increase one's social and political consciousness.To figure out how the economic machinery runs and 'for whom the bells toll'. To learn to look at things from other people's perspective. To question old and established beliefs and doctrines.And above all not to take anything for granted.