Irrational Anger

I have spent the past few days feeling furious at someone in my professional life. And, I know for a fact that my anger is mostly irrational. The person hasn't done anything to even remotely justify the strength of my feeling. And, I have realised that feelings aren't sacrosanct. Adrienne has a class where she talks about the possibility of controlling your feelings, or at least trying. For a long time, I disagreed with that view (and still disagree with her use of the word 'control'). Having spent a large part of my life repressing how I felt about someone, I was all for letting feelings flow freely. But, people grow and hopefully I have come out of the phase where I had to consciously not repress my feelings. 

No, you can't force yourself to feel or not feel a certain way. But, you can talk yourself down on the anger scale or up a few notches on the mood scale if you realise that your feelings are not based in reality. I use the word rational carefully, but reason has its uses even in matters of the heart. And self-talk can be a vital buffer between your feelings and your subsequent actions. 

Anger at a person is rarely just that. I know for a fact that in this case, my anger at her is partly my anger at myself and my jealousy for her intelligence and success. Unpeeling anger is very useful. It doesn't mean you won't feel that angry again soon, but at least you know that anger will not be overpowering.